This time next year, I’ll be buying my graduation dress, and sending out last minute graduation party invites, preparing for a day I’ve waited my whole life for.

I’ll be the last to graduate in my family, and the first to go to college. It’s a big deal for all of us. So incredibly scary, and thrilling at the same time, the baby of the family is finally growing up and starting her own life. It’s a concept my parents have a hard time getting the feel of. I’ll tell them how many days until I’m 18, and I see the fear linger in their eyes. Their baby isn’t a baby anymore.

School has been a constant battle for me, a love/hate relationship I can never seem to explain to anyone, simply because they just have other views and don’t understand. I love school, it’s hard to believe but I really do. I love finding new things, achieving things people said that I never would. At the same time, I hate it.

I hate waking up, getting dressed for a bunch of people who after next year most likely won’t matter at all to me anymore, as harsh as that sounds it’s real. It’s not that I won’t care; it’s that after spending your whole life with the same group of kids, after 13 years of it… We’ll all go our separate ways.

I’ve been told countless times I won’t make it, I won’t graduate, I won’t do anything with my life and many other things just because apparently everyone knows what I’m capable of. News flash, I can do it, and I will do it. I’ll make something of myself and I will prove everyone who has said it wrong. You can hold me to that. I haven’t worked this hard just to throw it away when I’m almost there.

I’ve learned a lot this year. I’ve learned that nobody is worth throwing what you have away, no matter how much you think they’re worth it – they’re not. If they were, they wouldn’t hold you back they would push you. They would make sure you had everything you needed to get to where you were going, unfortunately everyone’s not like that. If they love you, they’ll have no problem helping you love what you do. Sometimes it’s easier just to ‘do you’, if that’s what it takes do it. Do whatever it takes to do what you need to. Don’t be afraid to be selfish sometimes, your life is about you and nobody else.

I cannot stress this next part enough, don’t ever lose yourself trying to find yourself. By that I mean this: don’t be somebody you’re not just to impress others. Everyone says it, but I’ve seen it a lot this year. Figure out your place; don’t push yourself into a crowd who doesn’t deserve you and your worth. You won’t end up getting far.

Maybe that’s why I don’t appreciate school the way I should, maybe it’s because I feel like I’m surrounded by people who don’t understand. They don’t understand how important it is to be you and not push yourself to be somebody else onto others for all the wrong attention. Maybe that isn’t why. Maybe I’ve spent too much time in school and I’m just bored. I don’t feel like there’s anything left in the school systems for me. If you open your eyes a little, you’ll understand what I’m saying.

I’m being taught math that I’ll never need in my life. Sure, maybe if I’m a construction worker or something of that sort, (let’s just clear that up really fast… it will never happen!) I don’t see the point in a lot of things being taught in school. History just takes up space in my mind, sure I don’t mind knowing some of it, although some of it may come in handy sometime. But I don’t need to know things from 1600’s and times way back then. No offense to any history teachers, but it’s kind of true.

But soon, there’s going to come a day when I finish my last history class, my final math test, I’ll be in the student section for the last time and it’ll be my last time being published in The Oracle. If you ask me how I feel, I’ll tell you I’m ready and I can’t wait.

Really though, do any of us feel like that deep down? Probably not, we’re all scared out of our minds. High school is all we know, we’re used to being pushed and having teachers hold our hands, and walk us through simple problems.

It’s put into our minds that we’ll all be okay after we walk out of high school for the last time, as long as we try. It doesn’t seem that easy to me, there has to be some sort of catch. Can someone define ‘try’ for me? Try as in, try to get a good enough job to pay for a car, a home, groceries, and everything else I’ll need when I’m an adult? That’s not the type of ‘try’ I’m ready for. School doesn’t teach us those needs, it’s like we just have to work to fail and everyone just makes it look so easy.

There’s going to come a day when I’m sitting in newspaper for the last time, a time when I won’t have anyone checking up on me making sure I’m doing what I’m supposed to, there will be a day when I wake up in a dorm room instead of my room, and there will be plenty of times when I look stupid trying to do something for the first time.

I think the problem with this generation is we take advantage of school, we take advantage of everyone trying to help us and we rarely see eye to eye with anyone older than us either, which never helps. But soon it’ll be all over and we’ll only have what we were taught to do to go off of to get through another big journey waiting for us. Sometimes we just have to wonder where the world will take us instead of worrying about all the what then and what if’s in the world.