A Change of Heart
April 14, 2014
The phrase “I can’t wait to go to high school” has now turned into “I can’t wait to be done and get out of here” you can say high school isn’t close to what it’s made out to be in the movies. This is no High School Musical, and as hard as it is to say, no we’re not “all in this together”.
The summer before I started my freshman year I was excited, I couldn’t wait. It’s the last four years of school before I go to college, this meant me being independent, taking control. In a few months I would be starting what was said to be the best four years of my life.
Almost two full years into high school all I can say is that I want out and I want out fast. There’s not enough hours of sleep, or days of vacation to prepare me for the hell that takes place seven hours a day, five days a week. I admit, it’s not always that bad. There’s times that I wouldn’t take back for anything, but in most cases, the good surely doesn’t outweigh the bad.
My grades lately have been at an all time low, I try but once percentages are low it’s harder to keep them up. It’s not that I don’t want to fix things it’s just that it’s hard. It’s really hard. As I begin to get brochures, and letters from colleges about coming to view campuses and thinking about my future it makes me nervous. Not because I’m actually growing up. But because the time I have to fix things keeps getting shorter and shorter. The stress keeps piling on, I’m constantly thinking how I’m going to do this. I start to second guess myself, I wonder how I’m going to be able to keep my grades up, work as many hours as I can, keep up with friends and family, and still be stable.
I heard one time, “be careful who you give power to, not everyone you meet in life is around to see you do great,” looking back at the past few months I’ve never heard a truer sentence. People I walked in this school with, I definitely won’t be walking out with. I’ve learned not everybody you meet is a friend. Far from that, if I could go back to my freshman year I would do so many things differently, from the people I talked to, the choices I made, it all would’ve been different.
Every now and then, I do occasionally begin miss how things used to be, in some ways I’ve changed. For the good and the bad… In reality who’s really going to be there for you in five years? Who’s going to be there when you’re stranded on the side of the road and you need a ride home? Who are you gonna be able to run to when you need someone and trust that the things you want no one else to know will be kept unknown?
I’ve matured, gained and lost some pretty important people in my life, and I’ve made some of the dumbest mistakes one could ever make, but I’ve learned from it all. Every bit of trouble or hurt I’ve ever been in, I’ve realized and learned a lot. I now know that it’s true when it’s said everything happens for a reason.
Boys are gonna break your heart into pieces and throw it away all the same day, you’ll get the sweet texts, think you like him then he’ll drop you just as quick as he picked you up, sometimes for unknown reasons, but I guess that’s just how it works out until you actually find someone who’s worth the time. If you think about it relationships aren’t always worth it in high school, they’ll make you or break you. But in high school, it’s hard. I don’t think anybody really knows what they want, we’re all young and all incredibly naïve, so there’s no need to rush when there’s a whole life ahead of us to figure it all out.
If all that isn’t hard enough there’s always the hard to listen to rumors that come along with being in high school, regardless they’re around and you can’t get past them even if you gave it your all. It’s a trending topic, who’s been with who, who’s done what, and so many people let it bother them. Half the people who say things, and talk you won’t even remember in a few years, let what they say not define you or ruin you, let it better you. Ya know?
You’re in denial if you tell me you’ve never wanted to just give up and quit, as rough as it is and as much as I do just want out, high school has taught me things I never would have learned if it wasn’t for me being in school experiencing the things I have. I’ve experienced more in the past 2 years than I have in probably my whole life. I’ve matured, gained and lost some pretty important people in my life, and I’ve made some of the dumbest mistakes one could ever make, but I’ve learned from it all. Every bit of trouble or hurt I’ve ever been in, I’ve realized and learned a lot. I know now that everything really does happen for a reason.
It’s not as bad as it seems, or as bad as I’m possibly making it sound. This has also been some of the greatest few years I’ve had, sure I have two more years so that could change, but so far I couldn’t ask for anything better.
High school is enough to make you want to rip your hair out and roll down a steep hill, but it’s worth every bit of hurt, stress and fun that’s involved, so hold on tight and enjoy the ride.
