So what if I don’t have a thigh gap?

When I was younger, I would always play with Barbies, and Bratz dolls. I would look at them, and think that I’d look like that when I was older. I had to be thin, I had to have long hair, and I had to be able to keep a boyfriend.

I would always go to the bathroom to make sure I looked presentable enough to go to school. I’d turn sideways, hold my breath, suck in my stomach, and admire the flatness. When I couldn’t hold my breath anymore I’d breathe out, and the disappointment would start flowing back. One day, I’d say to myself, one day I’ll be skinny.

The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that it’s hard to have that Barbie doll image. I’ll never have the curves or the beautiful long blonde hair that Barbie has.

In today’s hypocritical society, it seems that nobody is happy with his or her apperance. A major issue is weight. Why are so many girls striving for that size 00? Is it okay your stomach isn’t flat and you don’t have at thigh gap?

I can pretend all I want that I’m losing weight for me, and to be healthier, but in all honesty, that’s not the reason. I want to lose weight because I feel disgusting. I feel unwanted. I feel out of place in a world full of size 00 models and extra-small shirts at the mall. The media pushes girls to be skinnier, to be thin like the photoshopped images of girls on the covers of magazines. Certainly, the media plays a big role in why society is so obsessed with being thin.

But that’s not why most people want to lose weight, is it? They want to lose weight because of the stares. The snickers they get from people passing by, the way their self-esteem plummets with each look in the mirror. It stings. It’s painful, way too painful to bear. No matter how many kind people tell you looks don’t matter, you can’t help but feel like the ugly duckling.

And in that instance, when you decide to lose weight not by your own choice, but because of society, your body no longer feels like your own. Society made that choice for you, chose to make you uncomfortable in your own skin, and beat you down until you conformed to their standards. The phrase ‘body image’ is said with a sneer, with a self-assured smug look on media executives faces. It’s a phrase meant to make you feel uncomfortable. And it works.

We have all of these rail thin models who pose for magazine covers that set the example. The example which our generation follows. Therefore making us believe that we have to have a thigh gap, a flat stomach, long hair, and a boyfriend.

One college student decided to build a life size Barbie. Galia Slayen, who fought her own battles with anorexia, built the life size doll to draw attention to the issues that girls with eating disorders face. It was her way of bringing awareness and letting others know how unhealthy a person with Barbie’s measurements is.

If Barbie were an actual women, she would be 5’9″ tall, have a 39″ bust, an 18″ waist, 33″ hips and a size 3 shoe.

I’ve talked about models being influences. So, what about Tumblr? The “Tumblr girls” might not have planned on being the influence they are, but when girls with curvey bodies see the pictures online of their skinny jeans and their thin bodies, or even just the clothes they own, it makes some teens instantly wonder why we don’t look like them or have what they have. Why can’t we fit into those jeans or be confident wearing a 2 peice swim suit?

I want to lose weight, just like many other girls my age. But why? Certainly not because it’s my choice. Certainly not because I simply want to become healthier, even if that does play a small role in it. I want to lose weight because society wants me to lose weight. There, I said it.