It is a weird thing when a celebrity dies. It’s even weirder when they made an impact on your life. You see the news, “Monty Oum passes away, age 33” and you suddenly can’t breathe. I remember that morning like it was yesterday and I’m afraid, sadly I will remember that day for the rest of my life. My role model, and hero passed away leaving behind an unfinished show, family, friends, and fans.

That morning I woke up and just felt off. It was weird. I started having panic attacks just because of little things. I blamed it on the fact Monty was rushed to the hospital two days before in a coma, but I feel it was something different. I decided to stay home that day, before I knew anything. I slept in until 2:00 PM. When I woke up I checked Facebook. My friend had posted something saying “I can’t believe this.” I had no idea what she meant but scrolling down a little I saw. “It is with a heavy heart that we announce the passing of our beloved friend, Monty Oum.” I dropped my phone and remember covering my mouth as if I could keep my feelings from poring out. I felt so many emotions that day, but shame had to be one of the biggest. I couldn’t say his name without my voice breaking, and everything was moving so fast around me. Time slowed down for me, but sped up for everyone else. I felt frozen in space with no where to go because the one person I really looked up to and who kept telling me “Keep moving forward,” was gone. I felt no one would understand because he wasn’t a big celebrity. I felt stupid because I was sad for someone I never met. I felt selfish because I was sad for me, for having to live in a world without Monty Oum.

That day taught me something, and shook me awake. I realized I need to animate so I can do the same for people that he has done for me. I realize animation is an art that I want to take up, and I can help many people without realizing it. I also realized I wasn’t moving anywhere. I was sitting still in a world that kept moving, and that wasn’t any way to live. I realized I don’t want to be pushed around like I always was. I found a voice, and reason.

Two months later, and I am writing this story. I feel that writing this, and publishing it, I can finally let go, and move forward.

He was my role model and I will always miss him, and always wonder “what if,” but one thing I will never let go of, is his values, and life lessons his death has taught me.